Its Mahila Udghosh time tomorrow....around 300 women from different districts of Rajasthan coming together to browbeat the wily politicians on Land and Property rights of women. I have been running around like crazy for the past one week.....activists and politicians have such huge Egos...
Tomorrow's going to be real mad affair...
I was in a meeting yesterday with my program manger and two of my program partners (all male) when I was suddenly struck with these thoughts...
"My God...men can't stop talking..their conversations always feel like a gladiator match(even when its friendly). Always trying to prove that they are better than the other....and they say Women Talk"
"Why do men insist on such long boring introductions from other men...its like they are trying to build their arsenals by allowing the other guy his boring monologues..."
"Like who is interested in what all the men around the world are doing...why can't they stop showing off their contacts?"
I feel like a ghost floating around the room, screaming in my head "Helloooo, yoohoo... you self- obsessed, self-motivated, know it all, better than the best, upstarts. Spare me a thought, can we come back to the meeting"
"OK, so now its what they did when they were employed in other organisations...Jeez Guys give a thought to the other living beings in this room...we are all going to drop dead out of sheer boredom and TMI"
PS: Men are definitely from Mars....If only some had stayed put there!!
Taking up MSW was not a noble mission on my part...truth is that i didn't even know what subjects were included. I was in one of those drifting phases, ones where the future seems like a dark tunnel.
I had to get as far away from History as possible and yet maintain the facade of an intellectual/intelligent whatever you want to call it. Sociology seemed like a harmless option, but you don't get jobs with sociology post grad...MSW seemed like a perfect option...it must have sociology(the word social says it all)... Two years in DSSW were so much better than in Stephens.. the people were real , of course the teachers/ lecturers were living in alternate world altogether.
Now I am stuck..after 6 years of work in almost 5 development organisations, I am lost. I don't think I am right for this job...but I don't know anything else either. Its just such a frustrating limbo...Everyone around me is so ambitious...they are so impatient to move to the next level...everyone advises me to be like them or I'll be left behind...Left behind with what?
What is wrong with a small compact world, a slow pace...why do we have to run around proving that we are the best. Why does anyone who does not want to get into the rat race termed as a loser? Why do i have to be like them...why can't i be me!
If left to myself i would relocate to small sleepy town and open a bookshop cum cafe...and damn with the world... But no one's free...all of us are tied down with invisible unbreakable bonds that eventually break you down, morph you into a factory production...an artless joyless creature speeding away to get all the things they will never have the time to enjoy.
I do have miles to go before i sleep, but do i have to run the entire length, losing the beautiful sights and knowing that i will get there eventually whether i fly, run or walk
Ps: A small piece of advise to anyone who reads this...please don't call me up, or advise me, or try and psychoanalyse this...trust me I don't need it! and no comments in third person either!
