Stress buster

I sent out a job application today...its a first since i joined ActionAid. I don't remember the name of the organisation i sent it to but i do remember the sudden cathartic release i experienced the moment i clicked the send button. Eureka..i just found a new stress buster...when in doubt or tension apply for new job. It works!!
I am in one of the worst work phases of my life...everything's just going wrong...Infact sometimes i am just sacred of going to office...god knows whats going to come up next...But today with that sent button, I bounced back...So here's kicking and punching and spitting at all scrawny self emaciated old hags, fleshy sleepy lazy panda bears, bitchy icky witchy ex colleagues...Get a life!!Apply

Today is going to be an endless day..all staff meeting days are. Someones going to shout, someone will pout, someone will cry and some will silently wonder why!

My RM thinks that it is important that your senior/boss be more knowledgeable than you, otherwise why would you respect them. Absolutely true. The next statement is very self reflective..She says" Jaise mein tum logon se zyada understanding mujhe hai, isiliye toh tum mujhe respect karte ho" (No translation required)..Now even if i become the President of India, i don't think i would have the guts to say this to my subordinates. I've also always wondered why is it that she makes such intellectually stimulating conversations with me...Is it my face? I've often pondered on this question during my tutorials when my lecturers and tutors would look at me in a funny way...

Well i have to be off now...

Only if

I wonder how many of us remember this...

Posham pa bhai posham pa

Lal Kile mein kya hua, Sau Rupaye ki Ghadi churayi

Ab toh Jail mein Jaan Padega, Jail ki roti khaani padegi, Jail ka Paani peena padega

Ab toh jail mein jaana padega

Life was so simple then....

regular

Its Mahila Udghosh time tomorrow....around 300 women from different districts of Rajasthan coming together to browbeat the wily politicians on Land and Property rights of women. I have been running around like crazy for the past one week.....activists and politicians have such huge Egos...

Tomorrow's going to be real mad affair...

Random thoughts on a sunny afternoon

I was in a meeting yesterday with my program manger and two of my program partners (all male) when I was suddenly struck with these thoughts...

"My God...men can't stop talking..their conversations always feel like a gladiator match(even when its friendly). Always trying to prove that they are better than the other....and they say Women Talk"

"Why do men insist on such long boring introductions from other men...its like they are trying to build their arsenals by allowing the other guy his boring monologues..."

"Like who is interested in what all the men around the world are doing...why can't they stop showing off their contacts?"

I feel like a ghost floating around the room, screaming in my head "Helloooo, yoohoo... you self- obsessed, self-motivated, know it all, better than the best, upstarts. Spare me a thought, can we come back to the meeting"

"OK, so now its what they did when they were employed in other organisations...Jeez Guys give a thought to the other living beings in this room...we are all going to drop dead out of sheer boredom and TMI"

PS: Men are definitely from Mars....If only some had stayed put there!!

Robert frost

Taking up MSW was not a noble mission on my part...truth is that i didn't even know what subjects were included. I was in one of those drifting phases, ones where the future seems like a dark tunnel.

I had to get as far away from History as possible and yet maintain the facade of an intellectual/intelligent whatever you want to call it. Sociology seemed like a harmless option, but you don't get jobs with sociology post grad...MSW seemed like a perfect option...it must have sociology(the word social says it all)... Two years in DSSW were so much better than in Stephens.. the people were real , of course the teachers/ lecturers were living in alternate world altogether.

Now I am stuck..after 6 years of work in almost 5 development organisations, I am lost. I don't think I am right for this job...but I don't know anything else either. Its just such a frustrating limbo...Everyone around me is so ambitious...they are so impatient to move to the next level...everyone advises me to be like them or I'll be left behind...Left behind with what?

What is wrong with a small compact world, a slow pace...why do we have to run around proving that we are the best. Why does anyone who does not want to get into the rat race termed as a loser? Why do i have to be like them...why can't i be me!

If left to myself i would relocate to small sleepy town and open a bookshop cum cafe...and damn with the world... But no one's free...all of us are tied down with invisible unbreakable bonds that eventually break you down, morph you into a factory production...an artless joyless creature speeding away to get all the things they will never have the time to enjoy.

I do have miles to go before i sleep, but do i have to run the entire length, losing the beautiful sights and knowing that i will get there eventually whether i fly, run or walk

Ps: A small piece of advise to anyone who reads this...please don't call me up, or advise me, or try and psychoanalyse this...trust me I don't need it! and no comments in third person either!

This is one of those days...when I am writing a blog without inspiration or interest...only because I have nothing better to do. Well actually I do have a lot to do...an project to be written, a report to be completed, TORs to be framed, budget realisations to be reviwed...phew...but I have been besieged by a strange melancholy...And that is why I am writing this.
I scanned and cleaned 26 viruses from my computer today.
I made karela for lunch and most probably that's what I am going to eat for my dinner as well
I did my laundry and washed my hair
Started work on a long due report (I have to submit it today or i am going to get fried/ fired)
Thought about how Obama is turning out to be an idiot
Got angry over Tytler's clean chit (CBI is stinking agency)
picturised a whole scene where i throw huge tantrum in front of my bosses and walk out (in slow motion) of my job...there was a lot of screaming, great witty dialogues from me, throwing of water on certain people's faces and of course the applause
Thought about how my super super boss was now a smirky...I absolutely hated the way he smirked at Annie during one our meetings...felt like he was laughing on all of us downtrodden, essentially dumb, but highly intelligent middle class, working class POs...no wonder these intellectuals never win an election
Now its time to go back to work..deadlines to meet..Gosh