Let me tell you about my mom...

Not a glowing eulogy of course, which has been done to death and ever after by Bollywood (sorry the Hindi Film Industry as a certain shirtless khan wants everyone to say). So its not going to be ‘Mere pass maa hai’…more like ‘sabke ke pass hai, mere pass bhi hai’.

So what’s special about me mommy…nothing…except that she is a sneaky woman who thinks I don’t know when she mixes gheeya with my dal or adds baingan in my sambhar. Imagine the horror of picking out pieces of mashed gheeya and baingan from my food. All because she thinks I have the brain of a two year old who can be fed cerelac with mashed tomatoes (yuck I tell you). She’s sneaky coz I never get to know I’m eating ‘milavati’ dal or sambhar until its half over. Unlike my father who ‘thinks’ he is james bonds and takes pride in announcing that sneaking banned vegetables into an otherwise innocent dish is the way to make children eat (yes he also thinks we have the mental capacity of a two year old. Poor thing, he also assumes we are deaf). So, you see, his plans fail before even taking off. But mom, she is too clever by the half. We never get to know when the bomb drops.

Reason number two- she almost always knows about our crushes. She never lets on, we never share anything with her, but that woman knows. The Libran is a mind reader I tell you. She sneaks into our minds and finds out our deep dark secrets. Scary. She knew about BIL and well other things we never ever talk about.

Reason number 3- she has a brilliant brain. She never lets anyone know though. She doesn’t want dad to get a complex. I am telling you the woman is sharp, irritatingly observant, has the memory power of an elephant. She is also patient and has got fourteen right hands (thank you god, since dad doesn’t know the difference between a hammer and a screwdriver). You wouldn’t believe the things that she has ‘invented’, everyday things but brilliant.

Reason number 4- She is so stubborn. To be Linda goodmanish..she is like a true Libran and can only see her point of view, which annoyingly is more often than not right. I as usual clash with her and my harassed younger sibling in true sunny paaji style ends up screaming “Ma ke saamne awaaz neechi kar daaga”(requested to add the nasal screaming tone)

Reason number 5- I absolutely envy the fact that she is so meticulous about her dressing and style. She has great skin and you would never catch her with a creased salwar or the sari pleat out of place. I on the other hand dress up in whatever comes first out of my messed up wardrobe and have the skin tone of rhino. Well I have also been spotted wearing two different pairs of shoes and ulta pajamas…it’s true I walked into intell land once wearing a bathroom slipper and a sneaker, I didn’t realize it until I stretched my feet. She must have picked up the wrong baby!!

Reason number 6- She puts up with- the pshyco whining, sweater staring, sharp tongued, totally lost and messy, unapologetically selfish and all round pain in the posterior ‘me’.

PS: I am going to write about my Dad one of these days..it will be titled “Who died and made you the monitor of my class”