MM's New year resolutions are

• Stop bitching about turning 31...i did that when i turned 30, its not like anyone listened and stopped the ageing process. So suck it up and listen to the sisterhood
• Lose weight- seriously...start dieting and exercising...or do atleast one of these...or atleast think about one of these...The "Secret' says that if you start thinking about something and then talking about it the universe will make it happen. So you are gong to hear a lot of talk about diets and exercises from me.
• Stop being a lazy hag....hehehehehhehehehehehehhehe...yeah like thats going to happen!!!
• Visit one exotic destination...Egypt??? With my luck i'll end up in Muzzafarpur
• Be a great Aunt....I can do this...I'm good with children, but am i good with dirty nappies. Babies are also poop machines...I see a lot of poop and bum washing in my near future.
• Stop watching Masterchef Australia...the ones i like never win...its such a heartbreaking experience

Thumbs up and thumbs down in Nitishland

Instead of writing a travelogue i've decided to pen down the the good things and bad things saw in Bihar. Simple.

Thumbs up

Nalanda- is one of the most beautiful sights i've ever seen. I know a lot of people might differ on that. The place is huge and the university with its classrooms and assembly halls and temples and two story dormitories, wells and ovens and drainage and sky light..all built somewhere around 6th century BC. For a sucker of old buildings this was Valhalla. One thought.. Looking at the well preserved walls and rooms and pillars standing for over 3000 years and built without any modern contraption or technical knowhow, I wonder why the CWG foot bridge couldn't stand for more than a week

Bodh Gaya- an island in itself. Just 20 kms or so from Gaya town and you feel like you've left Bihar. The temple is just breathtaking and the bodhi tree still stands. I am not into a lot of energy vortexes but there was a sense of peace in that place. Its well maintained and considerably neat

Ginger Pancakes- yep, i had those in Bodh Gaya at a dhaba called Om and highly recommended by Lonely Planet. Its damn cheap and the pancakes are just amazing.

Litti Choka- I hope i've spelled it right. Its something like the Rajasthani baati with sattu stuffing and choka is a chutney made of roasted brinjals, potataoes, green chillies, roasted tomatoes, roasted garlic mashed together with raw mustard oil. It tastes heavenly and for all those mallus who hate mustard oil...aundy and ungle you eat, drink, sleep coconut oil which is the king of all flavored aromatic oils, so widen your horizons

Green Bihar- Everywhere you look its trees and banana plantains, date trees, mango groves. Fertile soil, plenty of water..why are the people so poor when the state is so resource rich

Ganga ji- You can't ignore her. I think she is at her grandest in Patna.

Honest and helpful people

Thumbs down

Kshatigrast bridges- This isn't an exaggeration. Since Bihar has a lot of rivers small and big and we traveled almost the entire stretch we had to cross a lot of bridges. I think 9 out 10 where damaged either in parts or just plain rickety. A fact that is displayed proudly on yellow boards by the government before every bridge in Bihar. You can however see a merry traffic of trucks and buses going to and forth on these bridges. This is not an exaggeration; one was so kshatigrast that the bridge was shaking on its hinges every time a vehicle passed through. I must say the people of Bihar are very resilient and brave.

Everyone here also has a hearing problem coz the decibel levels are high enough to be heard from the moon, be it the honking trucks or mobile phone users

'Jerking' Roads (lovingly called by the locals)- ridden with potholes. after an 11 hour journey from Madhubani to Purnea i was sure Bihar was a part of an RAW plan to find an underground way to China or US of A.

Paneer and Aloo-Gobhi- I don't know if you've noticed but in regional cuisine in North India has been taken over by Punjabi food, prominently by paneer and aloo-gobhi. Everywhere I went they gave me aloo-gobi, I didn't know Gobi was the state vegetable of Bihar. Coming a close second was Paneer, anywhere you go you get Paneer and it is considered a substitute for green vegetables, pulses, sweets and even heaven for vegetarians. Well all I can say is that I pressed my fast forward remote whenever the menu is read out and reach the naan-bhej section.

Lastly a thought that went through my head all the while i heard auto drivers, taxi drivers, tea shop owners, dhaba owners, NGO people, journalists praise Nitish..."Whoever thought that the humble non motorized two wheeler could elect a Chief Minister. I wonder if the lack of cycles where the only reason for poor female literacy…I have a lot to learn about the mechanics of the education system"

Do visit Bihar, its beautiful and steeped in history

thoughtless!!

Now if only words were as simple. I have no idea what to write and every time I think about writing without a thought I get stuck…in my thoughts. What a waste of time and energy? Reading sappy novels does not do any good to an already sour disposition. It just makes things more blurred. Makes you lose perspective while you float on pink cotton candy.

Speaking of cotton candy I have heard they make your teeth bad, infected. I wouldn’t fancy that, not one bit. However I can’t quite deny the charm of reading a sappy mushy novel at leisure. It has improved my mood many a times.

This blog doesn’t mean anything, its just words, an attempt to write without a conscious attempt at thought. I feel so sleepy. Lie to me is such a boring serial, it’s a pain to sit through the one hour episode. Coupled with its 10 pm telecast time it’s a miracle I am able to sit through it. Not that anyone has forced me to. Well got to do something till they get back the gore and wit back on primetime.

Almost had a meeting with the maker in the morning due to an overfilled and near to bursting urinary bladder. Word of advice to all nice people out there, never drink a glass of water before sitting through a two hour official meeting on a winter morning in an AC room. As to why I didn’t excuse myself for a bio break, I have no idea. Guess I never thought it would go on and on an on. Well that’s a lesson learnt.

Blog Diarrhea

Blog diarrhea...how else can i explain this regular updating of my blog. How do i get out of this? Please help...help...help.

Want to blog about the Ladies Coach in Delhi Metro..but am too annoyed at the men who insist upon getting into this coach and hence not coherent enough for a full fledged blog. But let it be known that i am putting in my protest...anyone care to blog about this?

Sometimes things shake you up...

A few days ago I was chatting with a colleague of mine who is a Sikh. She was complaining about our Prime Minister, who also happens to be a Sikh. Her main grouse was that his becoming the Prime Minister had not done any good to the Sikh community, the victims of the '84 riots have still not got any justice. In my superficial superior way i told her that he was the Prime Minister of the Country and not of any particular community. He has to look at India from a much broader perspective.

In the evening while crossing the road (i am not the chicken here) i was still thinking about her comment when it kind of struck me that I was looking at it from a wrong angle. The sad part about her statement was not that people look at their leaders throw narrow religious/regional lenses.

The sad part was that a Citizen of this country has to resort to the same narrow identities to get justice. She believes that only a Sikh leader will now get them justice. The Constitution of India which guarantees protection to all it citizens is not able to provide its citizens that confidence. Why are we not worried that a citizen of this secular democratic country now feels that only a religious identity will provide her community with the justice it so rightly deserves. I was only 3 yrs old at that time, I don't remember any of it. Just one part, our neighbors who were Sikh fled Delhi that night and left their aging father to fend for himself. We all took him in. I remember him and still feel the terror and desperation.

How many of us actually believe in the Constitution, truly believe in it? Believe that it will provide us with justice and protection. Believe that it will also punish if we break the laws framed under it. Believe in the people who have vowed to implement it.

We make such a hue and cry when the national flag is worn as a sari or a cap, but why are we silent when the Constitution is being insulted everyday.

People who annoy me part 2

The Runners- does not in any way refer to the the ancient postmen/women. These are a select breed of people who are tireless in their 'running'. I have found them on railway stations, bus stands, metro stations, roads etc etc etc.

Their daily schedule generally goes like this..they get to the desired metro station and do not wait for their mode of conveyance to completely stop before getting out of it. They then start running towards the metro station, jump over the steps, run through the counter. If there is a queue at the counter they are the ones who put all their strength into pushing the queue to the other side of the counter. The moment they clear the counter they are running again, and they run and run and run and reach the escalator. All this while you can see bodies being thrown out of the way to make way for the 'runner'. Yes bodies...meaning stupid slow people like senior citizens, pregnant women, toddlers and me.

Since their speed is generally more than the speed of the moving stairs they somehow do not realize it is moving and they keep running on the escalator. I prefer to take the non-moving generally deserted stairs during such emergency situations. So now that they are running on the escalator they hear the announcement 'kripaya darvaze se dur khade ho jayein' 'please stand clear of the doors'. To these runners its like a death knoll, they can't lose, now that victory is so close. So they increase their speed and finally get to the platform and run into the the metro while narrowly missing the closing doors. The thrilled victors are now grinning and panting and looking for a seat, when the CISF guard comes and says' udhar jao yeh ladies compartment hai'.

Don't you just love them!

I wanted to write about..

People who annoy me to no end...i have been wanting to write this blog for a long time, but as you all know bitching is an art that has to be inspired and motivated. Anyways without digressing from the point i would like to put a disclaimer

* This list is not in alphabetical order nor does it reflect the severity of annoyance. It is a list of the most annoying people and their annoying habits, things that have made me want to-puke, pull my hair, migrate, scream, beat myself and scratch my nails on a blackboard.

1. The romantic couples- lovey dovey kinds. People in love are the most selfish, insensitive and boring specimens of humanity i have had the misfortune of meeting. Selfish because for they make plans with you and then dump you at the same moment just coz their BF/GF comes visiting. Insensitive coz they don't care a whit about your problems, advices or opinions. They expect you to listen to the tales of their idiotic, cheating, overbearing, clinging BFs/GF and expect you to sympathize and even offer advice. And being the nice and caring person that you are, you do try and sympathize and find a solution to their problems. But they are such fickle characters that they throw away your advices the moment the erring BF/GF makes puppy eyes at them. You can give them that, but what do you do when the same person comes back again and again with the same problem. Oh and it gets even worse when the in-love person goes all dreamy eyed and share their GF/BF best traits and also worries about your love life. I don't think there is any need to describe why they are boring.

So to all these lovely couples "Stay the F***K out of my life, i don't want to listen to your whining and i don't want you to compare your love life to mine. Do you see me sharing? No..so why don't you take a clue.

2. The Phoneys- does not refer to the genuinely fake . I like that category of people. This term refers to the people who don't need the services of a mobile phone to convey their message. The voice decibels are so loud that it travels through airwaves directly to the intended person. I have encountered this specimen in corridors, movie halls, lifts and the metro. For them the phone is just an instrument to keep near their ear the actual transmission is done directly without the use of the mouth piece. I am sure they are India's answer to network problems, who needs the stupid network, we can shout it out. After all we come from the land of dharam paaji and sunny paaji

3. Too Good to be true-Holy of the holies- Ughhhh. This specimen gives me the shivers. They are so perfect from their talk to their walk. They epitomize Indian culture (regressive, patriarchal & racist). The B family of Bollywood is an excellent example. They make me very uncomfortable especially when people idolize them. What are you idolizing- a patriarch who had much publicized affairs with half of B Town in his heydays, a matriarch who believes that the best quality about her Bahu is that she prefers to remain a step behind her husband, A Bahu who is just too plastic to be real and well the less said about the Beta the better. The beti of the family doesn't come into the family equation coz she is married now and and her place has been filled by the perfect Bahu. This is what we want for our future?

4. Religious aunties and uncles- doesn't refer to any age group. They make it their pass time to spread the message of God through mails, pamphlets, letters and well meaning advices. What irritates me is that they think I am absurd for watching Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and Iron Man. All i want to say to them is that i only WATCH and ENJOY fantasy, i do not BELIEVE in someone who could walk on water, was born out of immaculate conception through holy spirit, mangoes, apples, who could multiply food without the help of fertilizers and seed, who could raise the dead and raise from the dead..I don't believe that when i die i will go to a place with clouds that can double up as comforters and people with wings who play on a lute and keep bowing and scraping to an old man with a beard. And when they say that I am going to hell, I tell them that i would take my version of hell for their version of heaven any day

More to come....